The Making of a Masterpiece

The most difficult part about sharing openly is the idea that in disclosing my life events and stories of relationships, I am exposing others. I have gone to great lengths to not speak negatively about my ex in the community or to air any of our family’s dirty laundry while still attempting to be authentic and transparent about my life. Similarly, I desire to honor my parents. My mother is on the other side of eternity, but my father is still living. I do not want to hurt the relationship I have with my dad, and while my mother is not likely to be offended by anything that I share, I do not want to tarnish her legacy in any way. She did so much in her life that warrants reverence and respect. The opposite side to this coin is that it is only through honesty that we can reconcile our pasts and push towards health in our inner lives as well as in our relationships. So while my tendency has been to hold things close to my chest when it comes to family, I do not want to protect a false sense of who I have been or the roles others have played in my life. In honoring the fullness of both the amazing blessings and empowering love they’ve given me as well as the betrayal and wounds, I am liberating myself from the captivity of dissimulation. A duplicitous life often results from feelings of shame, where someone feels they are expected to represent themselves a certain way. So the person presents only that version of themselves to the world. The full truth of who they have been and who they currently are lies deeply buried under years of carefully crafted masks. Under this guise of self protection one inhibits themselves from deep meaningful connection. We live in the South, the Bible-belt, where this is the prevailing mindset, so I am sure this requires very little explanation to those who have experienced it. However, there is a better way.

I have been influenced over the past several years by many brave souls. They have challenged this unhealthy mindset and spoken to the paramount importance of vulnerability, the bravery of living wholeheartedly and honestly. It is the critical ingredient to a happy well-lived life, to be true to oneself. Live your authentic life and share that truth in your own words and in your own voice. Tell the whole story of the things that shaped you, the good, the bad and the ugly. An authentic heart song cannot be destroyed by any life events. This inner melody is encoded in your DNA and if allowed to play loudly and openly will be enhanced and harmonized by the winds of change no matter which direction they blow. I am still learning to sing mine unabashedly and not allow myself to be drowned out by fear or people pleasing. I do intend to tell the truth in my writings, about myself and others. I will do this as kindly and gently as possible, but I will be heeding the advice of novelist, Anne Lamott. She memorably taught that one should feel free to be honest in the telling of their own life story. “Remember that every single thing that happened to you is yours, and you get to tell it. If people wanted you to write more warmly about them, they should have behaved better.”

So this sounds a bit like a disclaimer or a warning, but it is more of an explanation of my heart. I desire to do this with intention, and that intention is LOVE. I want to tell the truth, share how everything in my life has been used for my benefit, even the actions of those working against me. These darkly colored threads have been woven into the fabric of the tapestry that now clothes me. I feel that God truly has worked all things together for my good and His purposes and that no one can take away those things He designed for me. If God gives it to me and I am meant to keep it, you cannot steal it from me. This knowledge has truly liberated me in life. I have been hurt, deeply and badly, and often by people so wounded they were not fully aware of their own crimes against me. But much like the many characters in history, God uses the behaviors of toxic people to bring about purpose. These very actions taken to hurt me will one day be a blessing to me, and my life will be a blessing to others. The story I most often think of illustrating this is Joseph the Dreamer, but the Bible and all of history is chockfull of these accounts. Both the good and the bad events of life serve a purpose. Redemption is the theme of creation, everything that exists testifies to this.

While eventually stunning, it often takes 20/20 hindsight to recognize the way God uses tragedies in life to create something beautiful. But through the grace of God and the perspective shift He has granted me, I am now beginning to see parts of my past like I am staring at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel. It is undeniable the way He has used the painful things I never would have wanted to help create beauty I never could have imagined. The intricacies and the complexities of God’s work in the life of men as portrayed through the artistry of Michelangelo humbles even agnostic observers. The fresco of God’s hand on the plaster of my heart is even more complicated than this masterpiece, and is still being done daily. He allows us to co-create with Him. As we learn to become more pliable to the work of His hands and more transparent to His light, our loveliness intensifies. The combination of the strokes of God’s hand, the malleability of our souls to His touch, and the blending of the colors influenced by the various characters in our lives render us a true original work of art. In the end, the beauty of our life and legacy will emerge not despite all that we have encountered, but partially because of it.

Perhaps belaboring the art metaphor is distracting from the truth, but basically I am still in process, still becoming. We all are. To become the best version of me, I must be honest about where I am and where I have been. I must yield to those things shaping me and surrender to that which I cannot control. I must act in alignment with my intentions and cooperate with the process. Grace is the reason any of us are able to transcend the mundane, we cannot earn it or do it in our own power. But, we can make the process of becoming divine more enjoyable through relinquishing control and attachment. Resistance will only compound pain and sorrow and attachment keeps us clinging to those things that may not be meant for us. Only through surrender will we find freedom. In the end when one responds to God’s love and call on their life, every detail will ultimately be used for their good. This is universally true, everything in the world will come to your aid as you walk in the purposes God designed for you and surrender to this path.

I have already witnessed this in the past in my life and I want to encourage others. I am still getting over heartbreaks and hurts, and I am still working some stuff out. However, I have made strides in so many ways and have witnessed miracles internal and external. While some of these stories are unflattering to me and others, overall they are stories of beauty from ashes and deserve to be told. I want to be a purveyor of hope, an accountant of heavenly treasures, a person who shares the joy of what has been spun into gold in my life following dark moments of loss and pain. So I will write again this month and share some of the specifics of my journey with this goal in mind. If God can make me into something beautiful, He can and will do it with you too.

If you find yourself tired, weary, in the heat of what feels like a losing battle, do not lose heart. For even though our outer person gradually wears out, our inner being is renewed every single day. When we view our short-lived troubles in the light of eternity, we see our difficulties as the substance that produces for us an everlasting priceless glory far beyond all comparison, because we don’t focus our attention on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but the unseen realm is eternal. The things that are happening “to you” are often happening “for you”. Let the dirt do the work of germinating the seed of what God has planted in you and watch what a beauty you become as you bloom into all you’re meant to be. My blossom is still unfolding, but I have endured enough fertilizer to testify God is using it for good. He will use the dookie in your life to do the same. Just wait, this season will yield fruit if you surrender to it all.